Scar Tissue
by Roo1965
Summary: Set immediately after s3 episode Remembrance. Jim and his dad try to sort out how they feel after the emotional case. Angst. written 12 may 2008.


Summary: Jim and his dad try to cope after the case hits a little close to home. Jim and William POV's.

Author's notes: starts right after the s3 episode **Remembrance **ends, with them walking off the playing field.

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**Scar tissue by roo**

**Jim**

"Dad, let's get you checked out …."

"Jimmy I'm alright, don't fuss,"

"Are you sure...because…."

"No, I'll see my own doctor thank you all the same."

"Fine. But I could get the duty doctor at the PD to take a look, as we need to get statements done anyway. Unless you want to leave this 'til tomorrow?"

"No, let's get this sorted out now Jim, why put it off?"

"Fine," said Jim "whatever." But the voice in his head slyly said- _he thinks you're no good- you put everything off,_ which was ridiculous- he was a grown man for god's sake. But every time he hooked up with the old man, his hackles rose and his barriers automatically went up and on the defence. And that was before he'd even said hello. Not that Jim was on weekly 'chummy' terms with his father anyway, or Stevie come to that, although they were in more contact after the racetrack case.

Jim envied Blair's easy going, if exasperating flighty relationship with Naomi, his mother. He had no doubt that if a 10 year old Blair had told his mother he'd seen a bad guy- huge distance or not- she would have believed him without hesitation.

Not Jim's dad. Dismissed without a thought.

A freak. Not normal.

His shoulder still ached from yesterday's encounter at the railway tracks and the stress of the past and present colliding, his dad and everything made him feel exhausted. Jim never dealt well with personal family stuff and all of this had been far too close to home- worse than the racecourse thing with Steven. It was way out of his comfort zone.

But he had hugged his dad and was genuinely glad he was okay- he wasn't that much of a social screw up.

They followed Simon and Blair, Jim keeping an eye on his dad in case he needed a steady hand, but of course he didn't, his dad had only ever needed work. But thinking about it now Jim wondered if he would have done any different. A father provided for his family- a home, school, food. The only thing missing was the maternal warmth and comfort and parental presence at football matches and other ordinary childhood milestones. His father had done the best he could, what he thought was right at the time. Jim decided to let it go for now. They had paperwork to file and then…Jim wasn't sure what would happen next with his dad. He had to do something to make this right again. It was his fault that his dad and Sally had been attacked and the family home invaded. He could not allow that to happen again.

**William**

He was shaken, of course he was- who wouldn't be after being abducted? But said he was fine and he could tell Jim didn't entirely believe him. It was strange seeing his son as a real 'grown-up' person for once and not as some abstract entity. In his mind's eye Jim was still a gawky, furious 17 year old roaring down the drive on a motorbike and out of their lives. This Jim was sure of himself but not cocky, and when Jim had hugged him, he was a solid warm presence. But there was no doubt- he was still an Ellison under that moment of vulnerability.

When they were little he called them 'the boys' or 'my sons'. And he'd tried to make them strong people, not just 'yes' men, there was to be no 'molly coddling'. He hadn't seen what he'd done until Jim left and joined the army against his wishes, leaving him alone with Steven. After that he'd kept his eldest son from his heart and mind, even though Steven and his housekeeper Sally would drop snippets every once in a while. It had angered him greatly back then, but later, with time on his hands and hearing Steven meeting up with Jim again- William regretted some of his actions. That was why he had started scrapbook, following Jim via the newspapers. He wanted to ask his eldest son how he had made it through Peru, what he had done after he got back and before joining the Cascade Police department. And why join the police? Was his own failure with Jim's mother one of the reasons Jim's marriage failed?

The police department was not his world and he let Jim and his Captain do their thing once they got back to HQ. The one person he couldn't quite work out was Blair Sandburg. How had Jim met him, what was he doing in Major Crimes? How did Jim's sense abilities fit into all of this? Did everybody know? And yet as he watched and waited he could see the respect the others had for Jim and that it went both ways. And he saw the connection that his son and Blair seemed to have. His son seemed happy with his life despite all he had gone through.

William signed his finished statements with a flourish and looked up at Jim to see what would happen next.

"I'll give you a lift home, and if there's anything else we need later we'll give you a call. Okay?"

"Sure Jim. You know where to find me."

Later that night trying to sleep, William realised how differently Jim's life might have turned out if he'd not been so afraid to let him acknowledge his abilities in some way. At the time he'd been worried that he'd be the one ridiculed or that it might damage his business contacts and social standing.

To his surprise Jim did visit– initially to check the security of the house since it had been compromised. Then he came by on an infrequent basis, usually to see Sally and sometimes he brought Blair and somehow that helped though William could not say why exactly. Certainly the young man had plenty of stories to tell which were engaging and entertaining- and he realised with a sudden horrifying clarity that he'd never heard his son laugh and banter like Jim and Blair were doing. The house felt different. He could not change the past but perhaps he could shape the future if his sons would let him. He knew that however many times he said he was sorry it wouldn't change anything but maybe they'd come to see that he meant it and they could mend a few bridges before it was too late.

END


End file.
